Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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