Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
