i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
