Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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