Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
