you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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