This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
