You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
