this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
