Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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