My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
