Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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