You can't special order awesome
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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