Screwed.edu
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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