went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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