and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
