I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fill condoms, not promises.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
