ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
