I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
