ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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