Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
