My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
