Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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