May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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