fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
