NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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