i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
