i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
