Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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