do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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