If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
