I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
