it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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