you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
