So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
