Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
