i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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