doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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