why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
