once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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