Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
