Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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