i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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