I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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