Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
