I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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