so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
