I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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