i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
