allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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