This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
